BEEN ALONG TIME

Hey guys wow its been along freakin time since ive wrote in this thing. Still stuck here in kansas blah, but husband is finally out of the Military. Its been about a month since hes been out and now he is in California while im here. Been going through crap with the state, just my luck, BAD. life sucks

My 21st Birthday

Whoohoo i turn 21 on February 4th! Yippie!!! NOt gonna do much Im gonna go see my hubby in the hospital all day so I can be with him! I miss him sooo much. I only see him like once a week now. But good thing his legs have some feeling So he's doing better, he will still be in there for awhile tho, but as long as everything is ok i dont mind, he needs the treatment. He is starting physical theapy today so he'll be ok!!! So yeah anyway im gonna head out for now I'll be back!!!!

My Beautiful Baby Gurl

Hey everyone I am gonna talk about my mom today I'm all depressed so I'll talk about her and cry and get it over with, See it was January and my mom died:( I miss her dearly! I'll tell ya how she died! Anyway one day she came over to my house to hang out with me and my daughter Charm, We went shopping and went back to my house to chill, I saw her take a few pills but I didn't know what they were, I knew she had a problem with pills but I couldn't tell her because everytime I did she would get very mad at me and say she didnt so I left her alone about it. Anyway we talked forever then my little brother came over and showed my mom something he was wearing, lol he came over in black jeans with chains on them, black shirt, black tie and he was wearing eyeliner, omg he looked soo cute! Anyway he stayed for a while and then my mom said she was gonna go dropped him off to his house and go to do some things and she will be right back, so she left and I just got on my computer and played with my daughter to make time pass. then about 9:30 pm she came back over, she stayed in her car tho, so I went out there, cuz I had a feeling something was wrong, I went out there talked to her, but she was kindof sleeping! I told her to get out of the car and get into the passengers side and she did and I drove her home, started a bath for her, put her in it, left her and went to blimpies to go get something to eat for her, came back she was sleeping in the tub, so I got her out, she dried off, went into her room sat on the bed, I turned on the tv gave her, her food, some juice and I put her pack of cigarettes on the table next to her bed. She said she was too tired to eat, so I said ok and I layed her down, tucked her in said I love you and gave her a kiss. I sat on her bed and smoked a cigarette, to make sure she was gonna be ok, then I finished and I headed home at about 11:10pm. I went home and went straight to bed cuz I knew she needed the car early in the morning. I got up about 8 am and I called her to see if she was ready, but no answer so I waited for a few hours, about noon I called again still no answer I was getting very worried but I knew she liked to sleep so I waited some more. About 4 pm I went over to her house cuz I thought maybe the ringer is off or something. I knocked on the door but no aswer, i waited for 4 mins, knocked again still no answer, I checked if the door was unlocked, and it was so I went in didn't see her anywhere, I went to her room, and she was still in bed, but there was a nasty smell in there, wasn't sure what it was, then my phone rang I ran back outside to answer it cuz i didn't want to scare her with it, it was my hubby and i told him i'd call him back cuz im trying to check on my mom, He said ok, I went back in her room and said mom several times, I knew she was a hard sleeper but damn, I touched her and she was sooo cold, and then I tried to move her arm because it was covering her face, Then I looked at her again and realized she didn't move at all. I went back outside cuz I was freaking out I called my hubby And I asked him how do you know someone is dead, because I didn't know I've never seen a dead person in real life! He started freaking out asking me why what the hell are u talking about, my hubby was in Missouri and I was home in Oregon, he was in basic training so he was freakin out cuz he didn't know what the hell was going on, I told him about my mom he said get off the phone RIGHT NOW and call 911, I got off the phone but I didn't call 911 I had to go back in there and see her again, I didn't want to believe she was dead! In my mind she wasnt she was just sleeping. I went in there I finally moved her hard, cold arm out of the way and I screamed because I saw red and clear liquids coming from her nose and mouth I went next door to get my aunt, pounded on the door grabbed her and ran back to my moms house and showed her she freaked out and called 911, her mom came over cuz she saw what I did and check my mom and said nooo she is gone and has been a long time now, I fell to the floor, b/c I started wondering if she died when I was there the night before anyway, I had to call my whole family to let everyone know so they could come, my brother finally came and he was crying :( he has never cried before it was really sad he went up to the door but the police wouldn't let anyone in and my brother said get the %#$@ out of my way thats my mom, and the cop moved, he went in and then came back out and ran over to me and hugged me like crazy, so tight, and held me for a while! We couldn't stop crying! Then the police asked me what happened cuz I was the last person to see her and I was the person that found her! I told them everything I knew. Then they checked her out and they said she died about 11pm the night before, I fell to the floor balling my eyes out! I was with her at that time!!!!!! I didnt know she was &*%$ing dead. I felt like the worst peron in the world, how the hell didn't I know she was dead, why the hell didn't I know damnit! Til this day I still feel so guilty, I could of helped her maybe But I didn't cuz I didnt know. How freakin stupid am I? I miss her sooo bad! I don't really know how to live life without her anymore! I need her with me but she can't be here, cuz i didn't help her:( anyway we had a service for her, a samll one and she is cremated and in a urn above my computer she will always be with me in my heart! I have to go now Im crying right now I'm depressed now anyway now you know what happened:(

Hi, Im Brandi. This is my damn blog, you either like it or not! Piss off if you dont wanna be here! anyway, Im 20 years old, im married and I have a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Charm Kaelyn a unique name but really cute I think. Anyway my family and I live on a military base and love it. Hubby is in da army, he's a combact engineer:) Im so proud of him. He has balls unlike the rest of you lol. Im probably boring you i really dont know what the fuck to talk about in this damn thing. i guess im too blonde lol